If you are just catching up with us this week, we are talking about how to get through to a man. We’ve adapted it from W. Bruce Cameron’s article (see below for source). I must say up to this point, I have agreed with much of what he has said in his article. Take that in light of that I am married myself and listen to people talk about their marriages all day long. However, this one I struggled with a little bit.
“You’re 100 Percent Correct”
He says the best way to argue with your husband is to negotiate. I agree 100 percent. Then he goes on to say to just agree with whatever your husband says and let him know you agree with it. Saying “you’re right” will throw him off because he is not expecting it. Then remind him of what you want. For example, if you are fighting over him not helping you out enough simply say, “You are correct, you do help me out but I would like to you to help me more”, whether this is correct or not. I think his point is valid that it will take him off guard and then there’s nothing to fight about. However, I think this might feel patronizing to your husband and seem a bit dishonest to you as well.
I suggest something that may work a little better. We women do tend to think we know better and like to let our hubby’s know when we are right about something. It’s in our bossy nature! I can’t imagine, as a man, what that is like. It might be why they have such difficulty admitting when they are wrong (or lost!) because they feel like we are always out to prove we are right. So maybe a good approach would be to try to stop and recognize when he IS right about something in a fight and give him credit for it! I can tell you from experience, it does take them off guard and it does help. They actually feel like you are listening and trying to understand what they are saying. If seems as though the defenses go down a bit and now we start getting somewhere.
So the next time you are fighting, try to not point out how “right” you are and how “wrong” he is. Try to find something he is saying that you can say, “You are 100 percent correct” and see how it works for you!
Thank you for reading and have a great week.
Source: “How to Get Through To A Man” by W. Bruce Cameron from O’s Guide to Life; The Best of O, The Oprah Magazine p. 211-212
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville