Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
For the next few days we’lll be discussing the overall aspects of wellness. Here are the first two:
Wellness is a choice. We have lots of choices and decisions that come our way each and every day. Whether it’s choices on what food we put in our bodies, what music/movies/tv we expose ourselves to, how much sleep we allow ourselves to get, how much time we spend with our partners and children or how much work we do. Wellness is a decision we have to choose to make if we want to be the healthiest we can be. We can make healthy food choices, choose to get restful sleep, and choose to build strong relationships with our loved ones. I’m not saying this is easy, but we have the choice at our fingertips.
Wellness is a way of life. Wellness isn’t something we choose to do one time and then stop. It must become routine and second nature. What you’ll notice is that once your choices from above start becoming more healthy, it will become part of your lifestyle and you’ll see your habits will start changing for the healthy too. Again, this isn’t easy, but being well takes time and effort.
There’s so many other aspects of wellness we have to share with you! Please come back to visit, we hope to see you tomorrow. Thank you for reading.
*Source: “I Never Knew I Had a Choice” by Gerald Corey
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: Gerald Corey, I Never Knew I Had A Choice, wellness
Posted in coping skills, Goals, Healthy Living | No Comments »
Myth #7: Love and Anger are Incompatible
Many people believe that if you really love someone, that means you never get angry at them. Or perhaps you grew up in a house where you didn’t feel loved when someone was angry with you, so as an adult in relationships, you feel that anger means someone is withdrawing love from you. While this might happen in some relationships, typically, this is not true. When someone feels angry with you, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you– it just means they are upset with a behavior you have shown, and is a feeling that indicates something needs to change.
If you believe that you cannot show anger to someone that you love, it will result in bottling up feelings and not sharing them with your partner. Over time, these feelings become toxic and will impact how you relate to that person. The feelings might come out in indirect ways that are hurtful to the relationship. This can often result in the death of the relationship.
The truth is, we can and do feel love and anger at the same time. Just because you are angry with something your partner did, doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Anger is a healthy feeling and unavoidable in intimate relationships. We can’t try to keep them separate and have a healthy relationship. It’s important to learn how to express anger in healthy ways to our partner so they know what we are struggling with and what needs to change.
As Gerald Corey shares, “If you deny your anger, you are negating your love”. It’s hard to feel loving towards someone if we have a bunch of negative feelings bottled up inside. It only keeps us distant from our partner and makes it difficult for them to love us in return.
If you struggle with showing or sharing appropriate anger in your relationship, we encourage you to get help in learning how to do this. Marriage counseling or individual counseling can be a great way to address this. It truly can help turn your relationship into one that is healthier and more intimate!
Adapted from “I Never Knew I Had A Choice” by Gerald Corey
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: Gerald Corey, I Never Knew I Had A Choice, Myths About Love
Posted in Codependency, communication, Emotional needs, Individual Therapy, Love, Marriage, marriage counseling, Relationships, Types of love | No Comments »
Myth #4 -We fall in and out of love. To watch movies or read romance novels, one would believe that love is something that happens to us, not something we engage in. In film, love strikes you and leaves you powerless, lovelorn, and driven by a power outside your control. Classic fairy tales teach women to wait and man will come and sweep her off her feet. These myths prevent people from accepting personal responsibility for what they decide and do when they feel the initial infatuation. The truth is that love is something that people create and grow.
During the initial attraction, or deceivingly put “falling in love”, our brains produce chemicals that feel good and make us want to continue to get to know our new love interest. But after that initial phase of infatuation, the chemicals stop and to love becomes a choice and requires effort. This is where we choose to grow with our partner and develop a love together. If love dies, it is because of neglect or failure to take care of the love. If we are passive and believe that love is something that happens to us or that we fall into, not that we create and maintain, love will surely die. Love is something we choose to share, and choose to receive, and choose to maintain.
Myth # 5-Love is Exclusive. Some people believe that there is only so much room in their heart for a limited supply of love. Some people believe that you can only love one person, and that there is only one person in the world for them. That is not the case. Love is expansive; it grows and replenishes itself as it is given. When we are open to loving others, we can love our partner even more deeply. To be clear, while Eros (romantic love) is usually between two people, Philia (friendship and community love) is healthy while feeling romantically in love. (for more on types of love, see our blog http://www.imaginehopecounseling.com/wmblog/?m=201202&paged=2). We can love our friends and community members and not take away from the love we have for our romantic partners.
Sometimes when two people are in love, one partner wants the other to only be with him or her. S/he becomes jealous when his/her partner has friends or especially friends of the opposite sex. The partner may wonder why the other has to have other friends that they are not giving enough. But humans are creatures of community and are able to love others and still have enough romantic love left for a partner. Jealousy is not love- it is fear. On the other side, lack of jealousy is not indifference. Giving of Philia love does not take away from Eros love. There is room in our hearts for lots of love!
Please follow along the rest of the week as Natalie and Joleen debunk more myths about love. As always, thanks for stopping by!
*Source: “I Never Knew I Had A Choice” by Gerald Corey
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
Tags: falling in love, Gerald Corey, I Never Knew I Had A Choice, Myths of love
Posted in boundaries, Companionate Love, Love, Marriage, marriage counseling, Premarital issues, Relationships, Types of love | No Comments »
Myth #2 – Love Is Fleeting
There are some people whose feelings change for their significant other very quickly. They may be in love with Partner #1 on Tuesday, but in love with Partner #2 on Friday. This isn’t real love.
In long-term relationships, there will be periods of boredom, frustration, conflict and feeling “stuck”. These emotions do not indicate a need to end the relationship. In relationships with real love, you care enough about your mate to figure out why you’re feeling this way, and stay in the relationship to work on getting past the rough spot.
If you’re the type of person to quit after the first conflict arises, then you’re not experiencing real love. Real love sticks though tough times and doesn’t leave at the very first sign of trouble.
Myth #3 – Love Implies Constant Closeness
Some couples mistakenly assume they must be by each other’s side constantly. They rarely do things without the other, and often don’t have friendships outside the relationship. We would also call this relationship Enmeshed. (To read more on Enmeshed relationships, visit http://www.imaginehopecounseling.com/fullarticles.php?ID=55 )
Sometimes this type of couple shows jealousy when they are apart, or when one of them wants to do something without the other. Often, there is an “all or nothing” frame of mind when they view their time spent together: Either they are constantly together & happy, or apart and fighting (because one of them is jealous or feeling rejected).
In a healthy real love relationship, each person is able to have privacy and friendships outside of the relationship. Separation is viewed as healthy and encouraged by both parties. In fact, each person understands that if separation does not occur, strain will be felt in the relationship due to the constant closeness.
We hope that everyone experiences real love and is able to throw all myths out the window. Thank you for reading, please come back for a visit as we have several more myths to uncover!
*Source: “I Never Knew I Had A Choice” by Gerald Corey
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: Gerald Corey, I Never Knew I Had A Choice, Myths About Love
Posted in boundaries, Companionate Love, Divorce, Healthy Living, Love, Marriage, Premarital issues, Premarriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
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